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Post by Britney on Jul 28, 2006 18:15:25 GMT -5
Have you ever met anyone who lived up to the standards you hold yourself to? Because I haven't, and its starting to disappoint me... If I am going to govern my actions by certain standards and morals, then why should I settle for anything less in my friends and aquaintances... yet that's exactly what happens, because nobody meets my standards, and yet I still accept them as friends because my values tell me I can't judge them. Of course, because of their deviant (and I believe lacking) standards, they can never be more than just "friends" and "aquaintances". Every time I've become close to people with lesser standards than my own, I end up suffering for it.
Is this true for everyone? Does the fact that we are all different and unique mean that not one of us truly shares the same values with anyone else? OR... does it mean that my own personal values are too out of whack? OR... does it mean that I've just been really unlucky in terms of whom I've met?
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Muad'dib
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Kwizatz Haderach
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Posts: 1,638
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 28, 2006 18:32:14 GMT -5
Depends on what standards that you hold in yourself that you want to find in another. For me, well, I don't really know what standards I have for people to reach, but I guess just the very thought of going out with someone at the moment, well its not something I particuarly want, so what standards I have, well I can't really say as I can't even really assess what standards I have in place. I think, probably my standards are I want to be left the hell alone, really. As for friendship or acquaintances, yeah, I have standards, I guess. I don't assocaite with ignorant, hate filled people who will try to suck any lingering bits of postivity to replace with negativity. Yeah, I probably didn't go near to answering what you wanted, but thats my answer
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Post by comike14 on Jul 28, 2006 18:39:46 GMT -5
Not yet.
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Post by Osama Bin Laden on Jul 28, 2006 20:25:18 GMT -5
You really shouldnt judge your friends on moral's, and standards. On to the question. No, I havent met anyone thats lived up to the standards I put for myself. They'de have to have quite a bit of money, have a very good social life, have a wife they love, and be fit, and all of that is rare in this world.
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Muad'dib
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Kwizatz Haderach
There exists no separation between gods and men; one blends softly casual into the other.
Posts: 1,638
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 28, 2006 20:28:38 GMT -5
Heh, you'd hate me then.
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Post by Osama Bin Laden on Jul 28, 2006 20:31:24 GMT -5
No I wouldnt, I dont judge people on the standards I try to hold myself too.
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Post by eek on Jul 28, 2006 21:07:09 GMT -5
To be honest, I don't tend to set very many standards at all, mainly because I've never met any that I've set for myself. As long as someone ain't an absolute hole, I'll talk to them. Sadly, very few folk 'round here can even met those very generous standards, and I haven't met many of those people. I'd put your troubles down to bad luck more than anything else, Britney, from what I know. Of course, I know next to nothing about the whole thing, so I can't really say.
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Twitchmonkey
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I like hookers
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Post by Twitchmonkey on Jul 28, 2006 21:48:19 GMT -5
I know of people that meet my standards, but I have not met any, or at least not known them well enough to be certain.
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Ratwar
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Horkers Rule!
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Post by Ratwar on Jul 28, 2006 22:08:25 GMT -5
Britney, I reject your reality and substitute my own!
You know, you seem to think a lot of your own 'standards', and that isn't a bad thing. Heck, I believe the standards I set for myself are pretty damn high, when I compare them to some of the standards that my friends set for themself. I do have a different view on applying those standards to my friends than you.
When I meet someone, I don't think about my standards. I think about whether or not I like being around that person. To me, that's what is important. They could be a totally perfect person by my standards, but if they annoy me, I won't bother with them. The friends I've made in college don't live up to some of my standards, but they're still my friends, since I like being around them. I apply this same logic to deeper relationships. Sure, my 'standards' have a lot to due with what annoys me, and I am unlikely to feel comfortable around someone that doesn't meet a lot of my beliefs on how people ought to act, but I don't approach things that way. I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act.
Britney, you're the one that once had a thread on TESF about how many drinks a guy had on a date, aren't you? I'm not the best person to get relationship advice from, but worrying about something seems a bit crazy to me. Good clothes aren't one size fits all, the same can be said for standards.
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Muad'dib
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There exists no separation between gods and men; one blends softly casual into the other.
Posts: 1,638
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 28, 2006 22:18:25 GMT -5
To be honest, I don't tend to set very many standards at all, mainly because I've never met any that I've set for myself. As long as someone ain't an absolute hole, I'll talk to them. Sadly, very few folk 'round here can even met those very generous standards, and I haven't met many of those people. I can agree there. I know of people that meet my standards, but I have not met any, or at least not known them well enough to be certain. You'd be surprised how hard it can be to find people who meet the standard of "not being filled with prejudicial hatred" which is what I find a lot of people have. When I meet someone, I don't think about my standards. I think about whether or not I like being around that person. To me, that's what is important. They could be a totally perfect person by my standards, but if they annoy me, I won't bother with them. I apply this same logic to deeper relationships. Sure, my 'standards' have a lot to due with what annoys me, and I am unlikely to feel comfortable around someone that doesn't meet a lot of my beliefs on how people ought to act, but I don't approach things that way. I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act. I shortened that to things I agree with, there, too.
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Gold_skywalker
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Post by Gold_skywalker on Jul 28, 2006 22:45:35 GMT -5
For a long-term girlfriend/wife? Yes. For a fling? No.
For friends? I don't care what they believe in. Just don't flaunt it at me, or I'll flaunt right back.
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Post by ExtraCheeZ on Jul 28, 2006 23:01:13 GMT -5
I dont really have standards, I do what makes me feel good and I let others do the same. If I dont agree with it, thats my problem. All I can do is educate and hope people make good decisions.
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Post by lucia on Jul 28, 2006 23:21:33 GMT -5
You might only notice when they do something wrong, y'know...
And no, I've never met anyone with standards quite like mine.
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Muad'dib
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 28, 2006 23:42:52 GMT -5
For a long-term girlfriend/wife? Yes. For a fling? No. For friends? I don't care what they believe in. Just don't flaunt it at me, or I'll flaunt right back. Your post is pretty hard to interpret, because the word "Standard" is a pretty loaded one. I dont really have standards, I do what makes me feel good and I let others do the same. If I dont agree with it, thats my problem. All I can do is educate and hope people make good decisions. You might only notice when they do something wrong, y'know... Yeah, thats really how you do find out.
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Post by lucia on Jul 29, 2006 1:45:38 GMT -5
No, I meant that it could be possible that they hold the same set of values, just she only notices what they do wrong, rather than what they have in common.
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Muad'dib
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 29, 2006 1:49:18 GMT -5
No, I meant that it could be possible that they hold the same set of values, just she only notices what they do wrong, rather than what they have in common. You are skidding on the edge of some standard, yet its hard for me to understand what you mean because I don't know what standard you are talking about. Not trying to annoy you here
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Gold_skywalker
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Post by Gold_skywalker on Jul 29, 2006 4:15:29 GMT -5
For a long-term girlfriend/wife? Yes. For a fling? No. For friends? I don't care what they believe in. Just don't flaunt it at me, or I'll flaunt right back. Your post is pretty hard to interpret, because the word "Standard" is a pretty loaded one. You might only notice when they do something wrong, y'know... Yeah, thats really how you do find out. It's a personal issue.
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Muad'dib
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 29, 2006 4:18:47 GMT -5
Indeed, and thats fine, just throwing it out there as a "i'm not ignoring the post" I guess.
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Post by WitchBoy on Jul 29, 2006 4:58:52 GMT -5
I fail to live up to my own standards at the moment, so I am in a quandry.
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iGuess
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Post by iGuess on Jul 29, 2006 5:02:15 GMT -5
I have met many people who greatly surpass my standards for myself. As for women, I havn't met a girl who meets my perfect standards, and I probably won't, because they are ridiculous and involve mind reading.
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pilaf
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Post by pilaf on Jul 29, 2006 6:14:43 GMT -5
I have relatively modest standards, which I'm happy to say I live up to quite easily.
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Post by Britney on Jul 29, 2006 11:45:12 GMT -5
Britney, I reject your reality and substitute my own! You know, you seem to think a lot of your own 'standards', and that isn't a bad thing. Heck, I believe the standards I set for myself are pretty damn high, when I compare them to some of the standards that my friends set for themself. I do have a different view on applying those standards to my friends than you. When I meet someone, I don't think about my standards. I think about whether or not I like being around that person. To me, that's what is important. They could be a totally perfect person by my standards, but if they annoy me, I won't bother with them. The friends I've made in college don't live up to some of my standards, but they're still my friends, since I like being around them. I apply this same logic to deeper relationships. Sure, my 'standards' have a lot to due with what annoys me, and I am unlikely to feel comfortable around someone that doesn't meet a lot of my beliefs on how people ought to act, but I don't approach things that way. I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act. Britney, you're the one that once had a thread on TESF about how many drinks a guy had on a date, aren't you? I'm not the best person to get relationship advice from, but worrying about something seems a bit crazy to me. Good clothes aren't one size fits all, the same can be said for standards. How do you "like" being around somebody who conflicts with your own standards? I made this thread because I recently threw a prospective boyfriend out the door. He was bugging me last weekend, telling me not to apply to a particular academic program, telling me "you'll never get in! Set your sights lower!" and other such discouraging nonsense. I told him he could go bring someone else down, and kicked him out. What's more, is that this week I was accepted to the program. One of my standards is to always encourage my friends, no matter how lofty or seemingly unattainable their goals are. To say that "I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act" does not make sense to me. The way people act influence your feelings towards them. Obviously when one's actions conflict with your own standards, you are going to derive a negative feeling... and consequently you shouldn't "like" hanging out with them...
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Muad'dib
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Post by Muad'dib on Jul 29, 2006 11:53:39 GMT -5
Bravo, Britney He should have been supportive, even if he worried you wouldn't get in, and tried to be supportive should a worst case scenario have come about.
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Post by lucia on Jul 30, 2006 1:51:59 GMT -5
No, I meant that it could be possible that they hold the same set of values, just she only notices what they do wrong, rather than what they have in common. You are skidding on the edge of some standard, yet its hard for me to understand what you mean because I don't know what standard you are talking about. Not trying to annoy you here Not your fault, I'm being vague. Here's a more concrete example (I'll do my best): Say Mahmoud and Jeanine both work at tech support. M is honest, compassionate, and charitable. J is honest, compassionate and greedy. M is doing his own thing, when he notices J doing something slightly different from him: she's using company time to sell WMD's for some "Xtra cash"! (Har har). Anyways, they both are almost the same, right, but M notices the discrepancies rather than things in common. It's like memories: the bad ones and anomalies are more noticeable. EDIT: that was a terrible explanation, sorry.
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Ratwar
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Horkers Rule!
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Post by Ratwar on Jul 30, 2006 3:04:11 GMT -5
Britney, I reject your reality and substitute my own! You know, you seem to think a lot of your own 'standards', and that isn't a bad thing. Heck, I believe the standards I set for myself are pretty damn high, when I compare them to some of the standards that my friends set for themself. I do have a different view on applying those standards to my friends than you. When I meet someone, I don't think about my standards. I think about whether or not I like being around that person. To me, that's what is important. They could be a totally perfect person by my standards, but if they annoy me, I won't bother with them. The friends I've made in college don't live up to some of my standards, but they're still my friends, since I like being around them. I apply this same logic to deeper relationships. Sure, my 'standards' have a lot to due with what annoys me, and I am unlikely to feel comfortable around someone that doesn't meet a lot of my beliefs on how people ought to act, but I don't approach things that way. I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act. Britney, you're the one that once had a thread on TESF about how many drinks a guy had on a date, aren't you? I'm not the best person to get relationship advice from, but worrying about something seems a bit crazy to me. Good clothes aren't one size fits all, the same can be said for standards. How do you "like" being around somebody who conflicts with your own standards? I made this thread because I recently threw a prospective boyfriend out the door. He was bugging me last weekend, telling me not to apply to a particular academic program, telling me "you'll never get in! Set your sights lower!" and other such discouraging nonsense. I told him he could go bring someone else down, and kicked him out. What's more, is that this week I was accepted to the program. One of my standards is to always encourage my friends, no matter how lofty or seemingly unattainable their goals are. To say that "I look at everything based on my feelings toward that person, not my feelings towards how people should act" does not make sense to me. The way people act influence your feelings towards them. Obviously when one's actions conflict with your own standards, you are going to derive a negative feeling... and consequently you shouldn't "like" hanging out with them... You see, if I was a gay man, and the guy you kicked out had turned gay for me, and he pulled like that, I'd kick him out because he isn't being supportive to me. It wouldn't have anything to do with my 'standards' it would have to do with my feelings towards that person. When you say standards, you make it seem like you have a little checklist written down somewhere. If that's not really what you're saying (and it probably isn't), then you can really probably ignore me. I just don't think that relationships or friendships are based on some little checklist that we can accurately write down.
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