|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Nov 21, 2006 21:09:23 GMT -5
He ate pie, And he became fie. ^ That actually makes sense! Fie means "disappointed!" Written to make sense, without realising it did.
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Nov 29, 2006 2:44:12 GMT -5
Nothing ryhmes, unless my subconcious is some master poet, but I wrote it for someone special, so dont insult it, or make fun of it. Follow MeFollow me to Hell, And beyond, Glimpse the cosmos with me, Ride to Heaven. Beyond, Surf the waves of the universe, With me, Even beyond, Reach farther than ever, Touch the end of the universe, Reach beyond, Into the unknown, Into the abyss, Of evil, Of good, Of orange, Of red, Of blue, Of pink, Of Life itself, Of everything you've ever known. - Dustin Krieger Kahuna Jihad
|
|
|
Post by lulu on Nov 29, 2006 3:18:57 GMT -5
George no bad George, bad no more cookies for you George you've made me mad
put down the knife I told you to stay of the couch and to top things off you messed up my house
I've put up with enough I don't wear a yellow hat back to the zoo you go, George I ain't havin none of that
|
|
|
Post by WitchBoy on Dec 1, 2006 23:56:55 GMT -5
Looking into the mirrage Of you Chrome lies Iced disguise Fire shields Temptation Can't yield Barely contain Passions Wax and wane Your demeanor Stays the same
|
|
|
Post by Avis on Dec 9, 2006 20:06:52 GMT -5
Resting on the soft, cool ground Feeling the damp grass upon my skin The slight breeze caress my face Looking up, towards the dark dotted sky Wish upon a star they say, but I feel no need Because the thing I'd wish for is laying right beside me
This is still a rought draft, I used to write poetry and I want to start again. Heres my first crack at a poem. I need some help with a couple things.
"Because the thing I'd wish for is laying right beside me" Thats supposed to be a person, the person the narrator loves. I can't think of a way to make them sound more human without saying "Because the person..." I think thats to straightforward. I also need help with spacing and structuring the lines. Heres the poem in sentence format;
Resting on the soft, cool ground. Feeling the damp grass upon my skin, the slight breeze caress my face. Looking up, towards the dark dotted sky. Wish upon a star they say, but I feel no need. Because the thing I'd wish for is laying right beside me.
This is all probably confusing. My main questions; How to make the wish sound more human How to space and structure it so it makes sense when read
|
|
|
Post by Avis on Dec 12, 2006 19:19:27 GMT -5
You were all so helpful<3
|
|
pilaf
Foreman
Out of step with the world
Posts: 455
|
Post by pilaf on Dec 24, 2006 19:13:26 GMT -5
My Silent Epiphany
As I walk these lonely streets at night An inner struggle I do fight Between myself and my inner demons I feel 'em often but others don't see 'em
But then I look towards the skies And suddenly I realize The simple folk with their prying eyes And their flapping mouths which tell their lies
They can never hurt me or make me flee Cause I'm exactly who I wanna be And there's nobody else who is just like me I'm exactly who I wanna be Behold this silent epiphany
|
|
|
Post by Justice on Dec 25, 2006 7:42:03 GMT -5
Whoa, nice Pilaf. Like the ending
|
|
pilaf
Foreman
Out of step with the world
Posts: 455
|
Post by pilaf on Dec 26, 2006 6:49:53 GMT -5
I'm glad you liked it.
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Jan 17, 2007 0:22:47 GMT -5
Two poems: Darkness Darkness, It comes, It goes, And Most of all, It kills. I am the Darkness. Who trained you? To be a soldier? Every day, Every night, For 7 years? Every fight, Even if a win, Resulting in Pain, Terror. Who destroyed me? Such Pain, Such Terror. Who? You. Who did you make? A soldier? Me, Your Darkness, Downfall, Of the Pain. The Knife, From the Darkness. Tired Darkness, Routines getting old. My ineterest lays dead at my feet. Bodies turning cold. No one but me, In this cold room, Waking up alone, Going to sleep alone. Get to the bus stop, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wheres the bus? Wait, Here it is. Late, Again. Get to school, Sit in my seat, Alone, Wait for lunch. Wait, Wait, Wait, Finally, its lunch. Eat fast food, Sit in class again, Wait, Wait, Wait, Leave. More public transit. More bullshit. More body odor, More ! My vision is red now, I cant see, Just a blur, Everyones screaming, Why wont everyone, Shut the up?! Sirens, I wonder why. Pigs yelling, I wonder why. Im bleeding from my chest, I wonder why. I cant move anymore, I wonder why. I fall to the ground, And my vision returns, I can see again, I'm dead.
|
|
|
Post by Justice on Jan 23, 2007 8:04:56 GMT -5
You think you know me?
Do you think you know me? Do you really? You don’t know me Everyone thinks they know me But no one knows me This outside cover of me Is but a cover up to the real me The layers and walls Have been built up To keep out Everyone Even me I don’t even know me So how would you know me? You don't know me
|
|
|
Post by Avis on Jan 27, 2007 12:25:58 GMT -5
Well, here's a poem I've been working on today, I still need a title and a last line to wrap it all up. Any suggestions, constructive criticism, or anything else is welcome.
[insert title]
Walking down the foggy, gloomy street as the rain hits the ground with a slight thud and a splash Puddles forming in along the curb
Feeling the drops roll down your cheek and hearing the thunder boom overhead The humid air sticks to your skin helping the cold cling to you
Jumping over puddles Avoiding the spray from passing cars Trying not to slip on the curb Challenges that come with your walk
You use the rain, and the walk to leave your world of troubles to forget it all, and start anew [insert last line]
|
|
|
Post by Slipper Eater on Jan 27, 2007 16:57:25 GMT -5
I personally think that you shouldn't add another line. It's pretty much fine as it is, and since it flows - anything more would disrupt it.
|
|
|
Post by Avis on Jan 27, 2007 16:59:58 GMT -5
Hrmmm..That makes sense. I just thought I might be able to come up with a line that could wrap it all up in a couple words. Thank ya
|
|
Zann
Gallant
Not all jokes are funny...
Posts: 3,613
|
Post by Zann on Jan 29, 2007 15:58:15 GMT -5
Seems to me like the last line ends it perfectly.
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Feb 23, 2007 0:01:42 GMT -5
More impulsive poetry from me. All My Life: All my life, I’ve been fighting. All my life, I’ve been dying. All my life, I’ve been bleeding. All my life, I’ve been waiting. All my life, I’ve been broken. All my life is rotting. All my memories are fading. Depression: The blackness, The crows cry, The moons gleam, The dead tree’s creak, The lonesome dark, Seeping into your veins, Demons in the dark, Surrounding your heart, Tearing it apart, Piece by piece, Death sweeps in, For the last tear, The razor on the floor, Your wrists painted red. Lost and Bleeding: Lost and bleeding. Tearing pain in my side. I’m falling in the dark. My minds breaking. My life’s fading. Must make it through, To the love that is my light. To the life that is my love, To the light that is my life.
|
|
|
Post by Justice on Feb 24, 2007 17:21:50 GMT -5
Mm, liked "All my life"
|
|
Zann
Gallant
Not all jokes are funny...
Posts: 3,613
|
Post by Zann on Feb 25, 2007 8:51:53 GMT -5
All my life I've been alive
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Feb 25, 2007 9:58:16 GMT -5
Shamelessly inspired/stolen from an Evanescence song!
|
|
Zann
Gallant
Not all jokes are funny...
Posts: 3,613
|
Post by Zann on Feb 25, 2007 14:35:35 GMT -5
Not really impulsive then?
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Feb 25, 2007 21:41:25 GMT -5
Actually it was, I wrote all of them randomly, hours and hours after listening to that song.
|
|
|
Post by Justice on Feb 27, 2007 18:47:40 GMT -5
Not my own, but found it amusing
Richard Cory
Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him; He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, “Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king— And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
|
|
|
Post by Osama Bin Laden on Feb 28, 2007 8:14:59 GMT -5
Watch her as she receeds into blackness, Watch her as her arms are painted red, Watch her as she panicks, Thinking shes gone too far. Watch her as she realises, There is no too far, Watch her bleed to death. Watch her corpse rot, In her empty apartment, No one cares, One day someone notices the smell, And only then, Becuase only in death, When her corpse started stinking, Did anyone notice her.
-Catherine
|
|
|
Post by Justice on Mar 7, 2007 10:17:12 GMT -5
Another cruel poem: I woke early one morning The earth lay cool and still When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill, He sang a song so lively, So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away. He sang of far off places Of Laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, brough up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently shut the window And crushed his ing head.
|
|
|
Post by gumby on Mar 14, 2007 12:15:49 GMT -5
how come i never saw this thread? Wow.
Jack's, i like your last poem. And pilaf, i liked yours as well. I havent time to see what i havent only glanced at right now (class gets out in a few), but ill post a poem and then go and read the rest of yours later.
Well, technically its one poem but its a series of tankas, all four in succession like later dates.
JOURNAL
1 A lifelong headache Ice dances in his cold veins Anonymous stalker I despise his every breath... The man in the mirror stares.
2 Tomorrow Ill find My peace of mind, my old home I will be trav'ling Perhaps to get away from The man, in the mirror there.
3 What is it we share? I hate him still, yet there is Hovering above Peace, perhaps i make too big a deal... The man in the mirror glares.
4 Quiet is instilled Perfection itself, knees down. As if to thank God and I've learned to ignore him, The dark man in the mirror.
|
|